Adoption and Foster Care

There were many orphanages when we were children in Korea (1970s). When I was in first grade, there was a large orphanage right on my way to school, and one of the children there was in my class. I don’t remember my classmates' names from back then, but I do remember that child’s name. His name was So Dae-won... I never even spoke to him, but why can’t I forget his name even after more than 40 years? I don’t know the answer to that myself...

But there are no orphanages in the United States. Children are first placed with foster parents, and depending on a court decision, they either return to their parents or, if their parents are unable to care for them, are placed with relatives or adoptive parents. In the Midwest, I saw many children adopted from Korea. Of course, it depends on the parents, but Americans aren’t as fixated on blood ties as we are, so they don’t treat their adopted children much differently from their biological ones. That’s why people who already have children adopt Korean kids more often than those who don’t.

When I was in college, an American girlfriend invited me to stay at her house during winter break. Her youngest sibling had been adopted from South Korea, and she loved him deeply. The Korean child, as the youngest, received all the family’s love and attention, and I heard her older brother was very jealous. To me, he didn’t look particularly handsome, but the family thought he was gorgeous, and the house was plastered with photos of him growing up.

Just the other day, I was dozing off on my commute on the subway when I suddenly noticed a father and son sitting right in front of me. The boy was Asian and had a cleft lip. His father was American, and you could tell he loved that child so much. I’m not sure if I could love a child of a different nationality—especially one with a cleft lip—that much if I adopted him… I’m not sure I could do it… I wouldn’t dare to adopt (because of the huge responsibility), but I’ve always been thinking about becoming a foster parent… I want to provide a safe haven for children who are struggling.

However, the foster care system in the U.S. is currently facing serious problems. There are cases where foster children end up getting hurt even more by their foster parents. The reason is money. The amount varies by state, but some people become foster parents simply to receive the government funds allocated for the child and use them for their own living expenses. That’s why the foster care system is undergoing changes. Last year, the U.S. Congress passed the “Family First Prevention Services Act.” Under previous practices, funds allocated to state custody agencies were distributed to foster parents by county social workers; now, these funds are directed toward services that help preserve intact families—such as mental health care, substance abuse treatment, and parenting skills training.

Ultimately, this approach recognizes that the best place for a child is with their parents, and the goal is to prevent families from being separated by providing services that address the parents’ issues. Of course, there are many parents who cannot be rehabilitated, so there is significant opposition, but the child’s well-being is the priority. While abuse does occur, there are also cases where parents are unable to care for their children due to poverty or mental health issues; therefore, the state should not automatically take custody and separate the child from the family.

I agree with this new approach. Almost all the children in my class are being neglected by their parents. They aren’t fed properly, aren’t bathed, and their clothes are filthy. Some even smell like homeless people. Many have been through foster care. The school provides two meals a day. However, the children love going home the most and being with their parents the most. No matter how dirty their environment or how roughly they’re treated, children love their parents the most. I believe it’s best to focus on services that allow families to stay together, especially when it comes to neglect caused by poverty.

12/01/2019 by Dr. Lan Joo