Sharing, Not Teaching

One thing I learned in the West was how to say “Yes” and “No” clearly. Vancouver was the first place I set foot in after leaving Korea. I took a language course there at UBC. For the first three months, I had to stay with a host family. Whenever I hesitated, my host couple would get a little annoyed and press me, asking, “YES” or “NO?” I’ve gotten the hang of it now. These days, when I see someone hesitating, I’m the one who gets frustrated and annoyed.

The second thing I learned is not to force my opinions on others. I used to be accustomed to imposing my views on others and taking care of them my way, but now I just make “recommendations” in the Western style. A typical phrase here is, “If I were you, I would….” I say, “If I were you, I would do it this way,” rather than “You should do it this way.” The choice is theirs to make; I’m just expressing my opinion, so I don’t take responsibility for their decision.

In any case, this Western approach is cleaner in terms of relationships. Even among the closest friends or family, a culture that respects each person’s personal space and allows them to make their own choices leads to less blame-shifting and interference. Furthermore, while a clear “yes” or “no” might initially offend the listener, it’s rational because precise communication prevents misunderstandings. In a society where we live together, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to respect and honor others while acknowledging each other’s personal space. In fact, respecting someone’s personal space might actually be a form of respect for them. (“Let’s keep our boundaries.”)

So, even though I’m a teacher, I don’t really like teaching others. Among adults, who is supposed to be teaching whom? Even when teaching children, if you preach only with words while your actions reveal greed, your teaching loses its meaning. That’s why I don’t like imposing my beliefs on others. I want “sharing.” It’s about observing another person’s writing, arguments, or actions, accepting them on your own terms, and sharing in that understanding—the expression “teaching” someone isn’t appropriate. However, the older people get—and the more intellectual they are—the more they try to teach others, but I’m not so sure about that… Some people aren’t content with just teaching; they even claim to be the country’s foremost intellectuals. I wonder… who gave them that right?

It’s not about one person teaching another; we are simply “sharing” the same belief.

09/20/2020 by Dr. Lan Joo